Arkanoid: Doh It Again Review

I don’t know what Arkanoid is about. I really don’t. It has a story, and I’ve even beaten the game and seen the whole story once or twice thanks to some luck and perseverance, but none of it sticks with you. All I remember is that the enemy is named Doh, and he manifests as a giant space face that you have to defeat by hitting him with balls. For real. Read more →

Final Fantasy Mystic Quest Review

Final Fantasy Mystic Quest can’t really be considered a Final Fantasy game by any stretch of the imagination. It has virtually nothing in common with other games bearing the same title: you can’t equip items, there are no random battles, you can jump, and the characters are as paper-thin as the story. The failure of Mystic Quest to create anything resembling a coherent plot or interesting characters is more or less its downfall, yet its consistent weirdness lends a certain personality to the whole thing that begs to be experienced. Also, you can name your character “sexy ham” because it gives you more characters for your name than most RPGs allow. That may not be a selling point per se, but it’s always a plus. Read more →

Actraiser Review

What would you do if you were God? I’d probably engineer some kind of plague that only wipes out those who rant endlessly about how amazing Breaking Bad is. Yes, I get it… it’s a good show. I don’t care, so shut the hell up about it. Read more →

Star Fox Review

I still remember the very first time I ever saw Star Fox (also known as Starwing in some places). It was a bright, sunny day, and I had gone over to a friend’s house. On his counter was a Super Nintendo hooked up to a nearby TV, playing the first 3D game I had ever seen. You know, because I was young and didn’t know much about games back then. It was like magic seeing something that wasn’t pure 2D, and my reaction was one of awe, similar to the reaction one would have if we all suddenly had hologram assistants. It was the future! Now it’s the past, and you might be surprised to hear that despite having aged quite a bit, Star Fox is still as much fun as it was when it came out. Read more →

Uniracers Review

When you think of “cool” wheels, what comes to mind? Motorcycles? A Lamborghini, perhaps? How about a unicycle? Yeah, that last one isn’t exactly known for being desirable or interesting aside from making certain jugglers’ acts more difficult, yet for a brief moment in the latter portion of 1994, unicycles were cool again. I present to you Uniracers, a game where self-aware unicycles, complete with names and attitude, race one another through courses that look like bad acid trips. Read more →

Lufia & the Fortress of Doom Review

I love (the excellent and eternally awesome) Lufia 2, but Lufia & the Fortress of Doom… hasn’t exactly aged well. It suffers from a number of problems that are so uncommon in the current gaming environment that playing it borders on being a painful experience. There are a few reasons to still play it, of course, but none of those are related to Lufia itself, instead being reasons revolving around great moments in Lufia 2. In its defense, however, it’s still better than the abomination that is Lufia 3. Read more →

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