Tales of Spam: Part 1

Have you ever taken the time to mentally register what spammers send you? It’s kind of mind-boggling, actually. That’s why I’ve decided to go through my spam folder and share the twisted world of spam logic with you all. Links are censored, because this particular email is just too much power for ordinary humans.

Ah, yes, I’ve heard of the prestigious Harvad University. I believe it’s right next to Harvard, actually, which is a bit of a strange coincidence when you think about it.

By the way, why are scientists working on letting random strangers control women’s minds? Not only would one think that the female scientists would object to that for obvious reasons, but it kind of seems like a dangerous thing to give away to random strangers on the internet. Also, you guys know that you still haven’t cured cancer, right?

How do I know that you’ve only come up with a way of controlling women? For all I know, watching that video could work on men too, turning me into some kind of sex-obsessed lunatic who spends the rest of his days hunting down some random emailer for naughty purposes. I have to be honest with you right now—that sounds really exhausting. I’m not certain that clicking on that link is worth the potential trouble.

Really? Have women worldwide ever seen a movie? Like, any movie? Pro tip: scientists are always the bad guys, and they always have lines like, “It was just research! We never thought our flesh-eating zombie baby would actually get out!”

Is “get chicks into your bed” the scientific term? As classy as this all sounds, I’m not 100% on trusting people who can’t even point their giant “click here” arrow toward the actual link. Kind of a red flag.

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