October is not a good month. Sure, Halloween night is in October and ballooning candy reserves is a good thing, but that’s so close to November that it really shouldn’t count. No, October is a shifty month full of awful things, and you need only look at the month’s name to see how duplicitous this evil month is. “Octo” is, after all, a prefix indicating “eight,” and yet October is the tenth month in the year. Very suspicious. What are you hiding, October?
Now, I’m not necessarily superstitious, but basically everything bad that’s ever happened to me has happened in October. A numerologist has assured me that this is the final year of my October-related misfortunes, but where some would see that as good news, I see it as “the grand finale.” As such, I’ll be spending the entirety of the month clutching a pillow in a death grip, desperately trying to avoid spontaneous combustion and miscellaneous horrible things.
Because of this, I’m going to need something to take my mind off of the many awful, Rube Goldberg-esque tragedies that could potentially befall me and/or everything I’ve ever loved. Sadly, I’ve already reviewed all the Fire Emblem games I have, and starting off the month by blowing a ton of money on a 3DS that I’d use for a single game (that obviously being Fire Emblem: Awakening) would most likely be a huge step in the wrong direction. After all, October is capable enough of inflicting awful things on its own without my assistance.
Instead, I’m devoting the entire month of October (which I hereby dub the “October is awful so let’s distract ourselves with strategy RPGs until the end of the month and hope that nothing catches fire” month, or OIASLDOWSRPGSUTEOTMAHTNCF for short) to playing through games that I’ve found recommended all over the internet as games for people who love Fire Emblem. Will they truly be as worthy of love as my beloved FE games, or will a barrage of lazy, rage-worthy substitutes end up serving as the run-up to the unknowable disaster that will inevitably befall me and all I hold dear? There’s really only one way to find out.
If I do spontaneously combust at some point during this month, be sure to throw my ashes into the faces of some of Bioware’s writers in the off chance that it somehow opens up the option of me haunting them (because if I end up stuck on earth, doomed to roam endlessly, then I want the option of appearing at their bedsides and whispering, “I… want… to be… a dragon”).