It’s been a long road, but we’ve finally come to Mission 11: You’re Not My Real Mommy So I’m Going To Kill All Of Your Dudes, Drop A Giant Flaming Rock On Your Head, And Laugh Maniacally As You Run Around Burning To Death.
The side story here is even thinner than the last one. Basically, one thief-type shows up and is concerned about the Fiend, and the other has a problem with royalty and soldiers. Then you kill them both and it’s over with. There’s not a lot to point out here apart from some gameplay stuff, like how I get hit by that stupid sword trap yet again. That’s got to be at least 3 times by now, and this was even dumber than usual because of how it happened. As enemies were running toward me and I was parked under the statue, I went, “hey, I wonder what the directional pad does in this game.”
Turns out that it causes Allura to slowly turn around, which has approximately zero practical uses in this game and is so pointlessly random that I wonder why they even bothered. The fight itself is fairly routine, with my plan of hitting them with a wall and then a spring trap (since the wall will have stripped them of their ability to dodge the spring) not working out because of the timing involved, but a quick move of the flare rock and bomb sufficing to take both of them out without much trouble.
Mission 11 starts with Catalina finally coming out to face Allura. A side mission earlier had hinted that she might have accused Allura after the king’s death to protect her from some darker force, but that’s definitely not the case as she rants about how she’s “been dying” to kill her for a long time. That’s really not an ideal way of phrasing things when talking to what amounts to a demonic murder goddess.
The amazing engrish and weird focus some squishies have on recognizing (and focusing on) Allura’s gender continues as Catalina sends out her dudes to die.
This is actually kind of tricky, because the magic guy spams these red spells that travel fast, and the thief guy moves fast and can’t be hit with my spring trap. If I was smart, I’d set things up the way I did in the side mission, but I’m not smart. Besides, I really want to have my staircase of death ready for when Catalina comes out.
Oh, and the mage guy can hit me with this fire thing that does area damage. This is the first time I’ve seen this in the game, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to be damaged by someone facing the other way, but at least we’re aware of it now.
Catalina finally comes out to try to kill me in person, and we immediately drop things on her head and set her on fire. Enemies on fire run around like chickens with their heads cut off until the fire goes out (which is hilarious and awesome), so I continue setting her on fire for my own amusement. Sadly, she doesn’t last all that long.
Her final words are to cry out to her boy toy who was planning on killing her anyway. Apparently Schrodinger’s king wasn’t very interested in her either, if Hertzog’s account of him being “ruined by his wife’s death” is any indication.
She’s dead and Allura finally reacts with something other than horror at taking a life. Of course, that something appears to be disinterested apathy, but at least she’s not on her knees sobbing or moping like she used to. Progress is progress!
I’m not entirely sure why she randomly calls out to Rachel. The way she says it suggests that Rachel crossed her mind rather than showing up off-camera, and the only thing I can think of is that Allura accomplished her goal and now intends to return to Rachel like she said she would. That’s stupid, of course, but we’re hurtling toward the end now and this might give us an opportunity to set Rachel on fire.
Or set her on fire and then launch her into the mansion’s Dark Illusion. I wonder if that’s even possible to have one end a combo? Hopefully we return so that I can find out, because that’s the only Dark Illusion I’ve managed to figure out thus far.