This is it. The final slog before beating the game. The end of this grinding hell is so close I can taste it. I’m excited to finally be able to put this thing behind me and move on to something else (and hopefully it proves a better experience).
Apparently the Light Shield is hidden behind one of those grates opened by the Cell Key on the third floor. I get really lost on the way there since this is the worst floor in the entire game, but eventually find the stupid shield and equip it. That’s all of the Light items down. Now I just have to figure out the tears bit, though it’s pretty obvious that the game is referring to the princess despite the two of us having just met. Personally, I’d much rather slap Meat Shield Milo around until he weeps magical plot-progressing tears for JERK, but beggars can’t be choosers.
The dialogue in the castle has randomly changed now that I have all of the Light items, and the princess decides to tell the king about the dad I murdered. Then she gets all weepy and Eyebrows creepily puts her tears in the Vial item and gives it to me. This is convenient as far as the task at hand is concerned, but again, super creepy. Whatever, though—now we can head over to the Water Spirit.
I head back to the colorful fountain and use the vial on it, at which point the Water Spirit appears and tells me that my weapons will be more powerful or something. More importantly, she tells me that I can return to the fountain to restore my party’s HP and MP, which means I can grind a few levels out before the boss fight.
(Obligatory reminder: this game has a lot of flashing, so don’t click on the video below if you’re bothered by that kind of thing.)
Enemies on the 5th level give a lot of experience, but hit so hard that healing frequently is a necessity (even if it doesn’t seem like you need it), so being able to go back to the fountain between fights and heal up makes grinding quite a bit faster. We gain a few levels and then head off to kick in Dark Souls’ teeth.
He spams Demonbreath, but it doesn’t do anywhere near as much damage as it did before. I can’t tell if that’s because of the Water’s Spirit’s blessing or the few levels I’ve gained since the last attempt, but whatever. Dark Souls is dead. JERK killed his dad and a kid (technically), proving once and for all that he’s the biggest jerk in all the land. Now that’s a character arc that I can get behind.
Oh, I hadn’t considered that. Sorry about th—
Wow, I never knew how good evil was for small businesses. That really puts things into perspective. Now that I’ve put everyone in town out of a job and devastated the local economy, I decide to head to the castle and receive my reward.
Fantastic. My reward is to continue to do work for this dick.
I like to think that the story continued with JERK staging a coup and installing a puppet government that acted on his every whim, but really, I’m just glad this game is over with. Playing became really exhausting there toward the end despite me speeding the game up, and I can’t believe anyone ever had the patience to finish this game on its original hardware and (painfully sluggish) original speed.
Still, it could have been worse, and there were a few enjoyable moments.