The princess is saved! All that remains now is to take the fight to Dark Souls and punch that scrawny little brat’s teeth in, though I doubt it’ll actually be that easy. Given the way this game seems to strive to make each section worse than the last, I dread whatever it has up its sleeve for this final Labyrinth crawl.
I could take the princess back to the castle right away, but I find it more amusing to visit places with her in the party. The tavern guy asks me if I’m planning to run away with her and I respond that I absolutely am, having fallen madly in love with her
money face or something, but he keeps telling me that I’m joking. Don’t give me the choice to kidnap a princess unless you mean it, game.
Since kidnapping isn’t an option, I’m left with no choice but to take the princess back to the castle. The king rewards me with a single item—a Magic Ring. This is just one of many items in the game that has no obvious purpose, and since Milo’s spell isn’t very helpful and some things can only be used inside or outside of combat, the whole thing is confusing. I decide not to bother with the Magic Ring, and I also make a point to offload a bunch of items that I don’t need anymore like the Dwarf’s Key and Rune Key so that I actually have some room to pick up items.
That decision is immediately proven to be the right one, as this guy who randomly has intimate knowledge of the 5th level of the Labyrinth nonchalantly tells me about this Water Spirit. Apparently she can only be met once you obtain all of the Light equipment in addition to a vial of tears from “one who holds you dear to her heart.” That sounds like a lot of work, especially since JERK only has 2 of 4 Light items and I don’t even know where to begin making someone cry. Random violence? Shrug.
THAT FREAKING CHEAPSKATE KING.
I occurs to me that I haven’t tried opening the gated areas using the Cell Key yet, and it turns out that it’s some kind of master key that opens up all of them. No way am I backtracking to find out what was in all of those chests, though. Having one key open up all of the Labyrinth’s gates isn’t a very smart security practice, but I’m not complaining that Dark Souls makes it so easy to burgle his stuff. Wait—is it his stuff in the chests, or does it belong to the Labyrinth? Either way, I’m confused about why there’s so much stuff lying around in here in general. I know it’s one of those game things you’re supposed to ignore, but think about it: Dark Souls had to run around arbitrarily locking up certain chests, but taking nothing out of any of them.
That’s weird. Dark Souls needs therapy. And maybe Jesus.
Before I came up to the 5th level, I grabbed the half of the Medallion that I threw into the fountain on the 4th level, fully expecting there to be another one later on. Then I found this thing that’s switching colors, but otherwise identical to the fountains from earlier that I could use the Medallion on. The Medallion doesn’t work on this thing. Nothing works on this thing. It took me awhile, but I finally realized that this is probably where you use the tears and Light things to summon the Water Spirit. It’s just fantastic that they made it identical to the other fountains. Brilliant design.
I wander around all over and realize that there’s no fountain on the 5th level for some reason. Not one I found, at least. Because of that, I backtrack (while abusing save states to successfully run away from all of the hard-hitting enemies here) and throw the Medallion into the 4th level fountain again. Then I slowly make my way back through the 5th floor and finally find a door. Behind it, Dark Souls.
Time to finish this game off once and for all.
Dark Souls dies easily, but he has a second phase. This second phase is bearable, but once he gets close to death he spams this Demonbreath spell over and over and over again. Meat Shield Milo’s MP has been used almost entirely by this point, so he can’t help. Pyra wasted all of hers on lightning attack spells. Everyone dies.
Warping back to the 4th floor Medallion half (which was a smart move), I get hopelessly lost on the 5th floor. Thankfully, this allows me to find new armor for JERK. Now he has 3/4ths of the Light equipment equipped, which will really help out if it becomes necessary to do the Water Spirit stuff to survive Dark Souls’ annoying Demonbreath spamming. I might just look up where the shield is online.
Yeah, screw it. I’m going to look up which floor the Light Shield is hidden on and try to figure out the tears part of the Water Spirit thing. At this point it’ll probably end up being faster than fighting my way through the 5th floor every single time I die to chained Demonbreath attacks. Sigh. The grind continues.