Kagero: Deception II Review

Killing humans is hard work. Millennia would know—she kills a lot of them. Men, women, children… all fall before her mighty traps. That’s right, traps. She doesn’t fight anyone directly, instead using a series of unnecessarily elaborate traps that would make even the most eccentric of villains blush. If you had to choose between killing innocents with a sword, killing innocents with magic, or killing innocents by erupting a giant foot from a wall, knocking your prey into the path of a giant spiked boulder, which would you choose? If you said the last one, then this is definitely the game for you.

“Well… that certainly explains why you’re dressed like that.”

Millennia is a human being used as a puppet by the Timenoids, a race of immortal beings, and a war breaks out between humans and Timenoids. I think. Honestly, the story isn’t the highlight of the game, nor is it particularly memorable. It’s very strange and works for the purposes of advancing the plot, but don’t expect it to be Shakespeare (though Romeo and Juliet would have been even better if it had a scene with a giant killer foot erupting from a wall and kicking Tybalt across the room). Most levels break down to a group of random people needing to go into whatever place you’re protecting, whether it be to find the secret of the Timenoids’ immortality, avenge a fallen comrade, or find a cure for a dying son, and then you killing those people elaborately. Some of them talk to you, some of them don’t, some of them are ninjas, some of them shoot fireballs, and some are children. You’re a veritable factory of agony and loss, and if pain and death are your business, then business is booming. It’s worth mentioning that the story isn’t really related to the first Deception game, so don’t worry about playing that one before this. Despite the 2 in the title, this is very much a stand-alone game.

“Come on. You know I’m a master baiter.”

It’s rarely as sweet to be evil as it is in Kagero: Deception II. You get Ark, which is apparently a form of currency, in return for offing people, and that Ark can then be spent on even stronger traps. It’s twisted and incredible and the NPC dialogue is so bad that you’ll want nothing more than to kill these in-game people. We’re talking Twitter levels of meaningless words, only this game then gives you the opportunity to drop giant spiked boulders onto the heads of the offenders. When was the last time Twitter let you do that? I’m pretty sure it’s against their terms of service, actually. The point is that the game is incredibly fulfilling and it’s doubtful that you’ll pity any of the lives that you’ll be taking.

“Did you check the pile of bodies you passed by on the way in here?”

Controls take getting used to, but they’re serviceable. Millennia seems to turn in slow motion, but NPCs also move slowly so it balances out nicely. You’re not going to want to have to dodge attacks and make turning around necessary anyway, so as long as you plan ahead for lethality from the start, nothing too bad will ever happen. The game starts out a bit awkward as you get used to the controls, but you’ll quickly acclimate as the game sucks you in. In fact, the difficulty curve is so perfect that you’ll barely be troubled at all by the controls in the beginning; it’s rare for a game to manage to avoid being either patronizingly easy or teeth-gnashingly difficult, especially in the first few minutes, but this game pulls it off with ease.

Here’s what you should do:

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