Infinity Blade 2 Review

I hated the first Infinity Blade, but then again, I was never really a huge fan of the first Lufia game, either; not liking the first game in a series has never stopped me from enjoying the sequel, provided that there are improvements and refinements that make it a better game than its predecessor. I hated Infinity Blade so much, however, that I refused to even try Infinity Blade 2 until I got it for free. Funny story—turns out they didn’t make any improvements or refinements.

This is the same game

Minus my complaints about the story (which has significant issues of its own in this game), you could copy-paste my Infinity Blade review and have it be every bit as relevant to the second game as the first. Everything that plagued the first game makes a reappearance, proving yet again that iOS standards are worlds below the rest of gaming. This game is about endless grinding and nothing else.

Storytelling isn’t its strong suit

I played this game for what felt like several hours, and while my character was with a companion in the very beginning and things at first appeared promising, I soon realized that things were exactly as stupid as the first game. Within five minutes, the douchebag “god king” from the first game had stolen my sword from me, and my companion, previously concerned about my welfare, had shot me in the head. I’m sure there’s eventually an explanation for this, but the whole thing is dripping in the type of “sudden shock” storytelling that keeps normal people from ever considering soap operas to be well-written. An identical/evil twin could have shown up at any moment and I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash.

Infinity Blade 2

Blow me.

The controls still suck

Fighting feels identical to the first game, which is to say awful. Swipes fail to register correctly, the direction you’re trying to swipe in doesn’t always correspond to what the game does, and, combined with enemies’ propensity for switching up their timing by moving around in weird ways before attacking, this makes fighting a complete pain in the ass. Tell me something—if an enemy is turned away from you with their guard down, shouldn’t stabbing at them be effective? Instead, you do less damage and open yourself up to their attack because the game can’t accept too much input at once. It’s so poorly designed that it’s just sad, feeling like a lazy version of Punch-Out with controls that rely more on luck than skill.

Everything is locked

Certain paths are locked in the beginning, which struck me as being especially stupid. Being locked makes sense for the ones that are barred or gated off, but the first “locked path” I saw was a staircase leading down. A locked staircase. This means my character saw a staircase and couldn’t use it because the game didn’t allow it. Nothing feels quite as game-y and pathetic as stuff like this. Why even have it show up before you can access it? At least then it’d be possible to rationalize it by assuming that the main character just didn’t see it at first or something. While this isn’t a huge issue by any means, it speaks to the kind of laziness and poor design that plagues the game throughout.

Infinity Blade 2

Here’s just a taste of the spam the game hits you with.

So… much… spam…

When I tried to get to the character menu, I noticed a bunch of icons at the top that looked as though they led to different menus. The picture above is an example of what happens when you click on them. Rather than having a bunch of different menus where you can change stuff, everything is forced into one menu, with all the other buttons leading to spam. This game goes out of its way to whore out everything Infinity Blade, from the first game to the soundtrack to other games that apparently have nothing to do with the game at all. Given how much they charge for the game (seven dollars), you’d think that you’d be able to avoid that kind of shameless whoring.

Infinity Blade 2

The most fulfilling part of the game was uninstalling it.

The graphics are somehow worse than 1

Looking back at my Infinity Blade 1 review, the graphics were at least pleasant. Areas were distinct, enemies looked interesting, and everything just looked nice, which is why the graphics were one area where I felt Infinity Blade succeeded.

Amazingly, once you’re finished with the first area in Infinity Blade 2 (which has cherry blossoms and is kind of pretty), the graphics become very same-y. You’re eventually running around yet another castle, except this time, everything looks the same and is kind of generic-looking. It’s amazing that 2 not only created more problems, but actually destroyed the few good things about 1.

One of the brand-new problems of 2 are the subtitles. While it was always easy to read what people were saying in the first game, the letters in Infinity Blade 2 are frequently washed out by the graphics, forcing you to focus on the letters or miss out on entire words. This is really a testament to the sloppiness of the game.

Also, the music is negligible

I didn’t cover the music in my Infinity Blade review because I couldn’t remember any of it. Infinity Blade 2 is no different; what’s there is pretty much unmemorable and worthless, to the point where the game might as well take place in complete silence. It wouldn’t really make a difference either way.

Here’s what you should do:

Infinity Blade 2

Screenshots of this pathetic excuse of a game:

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