Donkey Kong Land Review

Before I rip into this game, some back story: when I was young and the only type of Game Boy that existed was the gray brick variety that took 4 AA batteries and colored everything in a greenish hue, I owned a copy of Donkey Kong Land and cherished it. Once, I spent so much time playing it that the batteries in my Game Boy literally exploded. That’s not hyperbole, either—there was a loud pop and then battery acid leaked everywhere. I still own the very same banana yellow cartridge, but sadly, the game itself isn’t anywhere near as entertaining as its bold coloring would suggest. Sometimes I’ll go back and play a game I used to love and find that it still holds up, but Donkey Kong Land can’t hold a candle to Donkey Kong Country, and despite its best attempts to replicate it, the whole experience ends up being more frustrating than anything. This is a game best left forgotten. Read more →

James Bond 007 Review

It’s safe to say that I’m a huge James Bond fan; I own all the Bond movies except for Skyfall—which I’ve seen, but hate due to a number of completely ridiculous (even for the series) plot holes that you could drive a truck through—and am especially partial to From Russia With Love, which I’ve probably watched something like 50 times by now. James Bond 007 is a 1998 Game Boy game that took a Zelda-like approach to the franchise, creating a story that evokes the brand of crazy early Bond villains were notorious for dabbling in while creating gameplay that’s equal parts action and adventure game-esque item acquisition/usage. If it’s not immediately apparent, I suppose it’s worth disclosing that I’ve had this game for something like 15 years and have played through it multiple times, so I’m admittedly coming at this from a place of nostalgia. That said, I made an effort to look past my love goggles and see this game for what it truly is, and what it is turns out to be a flawed, but underrated gem. Read more →

Megaman V Review

The Game Boy had some truly awful games, but hidden within those messes of poor hit detection and bad design were some incredible gems. Megaman V is, without a doubt, one of those gems. While previous games in Megaman’s Game Boy series reused elements from the NES games, V was the first to feature all-new bosses. Even better, they’re based on planets, so there’s none of the stupidity that brought about enemies like “Cut Man.” Read more →

Sword of Hope 2 Review

There’s just something about system limitations that brings out something special in gaming; as soon as developers were able to fill their games with pretty cutscenes and flashy graphics, gaming sacrificed its soul to upgrade to that sleeker, flashier style. However, there are games from the past—flawed games working within serious limitations—that still stand to remind us of what made gaming so great in the first place. Sword of Hope 2 is one of those games, so absurd and memorable that even the decade that separated my last two playthroughs couldn’t erode my memory of it. Even better, it’s one of those sequels that doesn’t require any knowledge of the previous game. Read more →

Kirby’s Dream Land Review

Kirby’s Dream Land is the beginning of Kirby; the pink puffball that we all know and hate for its cuteness exists solely because of this game. Was it worth all of the irritatingly cutesy garbage that sprang from its loins (or equivalent portion of its anatomy)? Not really. This game ranges from being a nice distraction to a lethal weapon, depending on your skill modding potato cannons. It’s bare-bones Game Boy entertainment. Read more →

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening Review

This review covers both the original and DX versions of Link’s Awakening, since they’re virtually identical save for a few bonus things in the latter and its inability to use the skip screens cheat. There are also an insane amount of spoilers ahead, just in case you’re worried about the having the plot to a 1993 game spoiled. Read more →

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