Final Fantasy 4 Review

Final Fantasy IV, the second Final Fantasy game released in North America, was originally released in NA under the title “Final Fantasy II” in what can only be described as a bout of hilarious shortsightedness. Fortunately, this number confusion has been somewhat allayed by a number of ports and remakes that call it by its real name, and few games deserve that level of endless attention showered on them more than this one. That’s not to say that it’s perfect, but it comes surprisingly close, especially given the fact that it originally came out on the Super Nintendo in 1991. Read more →

Breath of Fire Review

Do you want to save the princess? No? But there’s a gas that her kidnapper uses that only you’re immune to! Do you want to save the princess? No? But there’s a gas that her kidnapper uses that only you’re immune to! Do you want to save the princess? No? Then you’re out of luck, because the decision was made for you before you got asked. The little “no” box that you’ll be given is just a decoration. Read more →

Kirby’s Dream Land Review

Kirby’s Dream Land is the beginning of Kirby; the pink puffball that we all know and hate for its cuteness exists solely because of this game. Was it worth all of the irritatingly cutesy garbage that sprang from its loins (or equivalent portion of its anatomy)? Not really. This game ranges from being a nice distraction to a lethal weapon, depending on your skill modding potato cannons. It’s bare-bones Game Boy entertainment. Read more →

Justice League Task Force Review

Like many games of the time, Justice League Task Force was released for both the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo. This means that rather than having one mediocre fighting game, we ended up with two. Still, for some reason I’ve found myself unable to sell this game, even in spite of the fact that it’s an awful, awful abomination of a video game. Read more →

Uncharted Waters: New Horizons Review

Do you often entertain fantasies of being trapped on a boat? Does Scurvy sound like fun to you? Do you ever suffer from bouts of intense nationalism that cause you to resort to piracy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I have just the game you’ve been looking for. Read more →

Donkey Kong Country Review

The Super Nintendo is one of the greatest consoles ever created. You can find platformers, role-playing games, shooters of every kind, sports games—everything under the sun was attempted, with varying degrees of success. Even with all of that competition, this subtext-filled game about a pedophile monkey and his underage partner (or maybe they’re just platonic friends, it’s hard to tell with monkeys) looking for their stolen “banana stash” is a major standout, and for all the right reasons. Read more →

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